My dad was an elementary school principal, so as a kid, I was expected to be well-behaved. I rarely got in trouble at school, and I didn’t have to be disciplined too often at home either. Pretty early on, I internalized the identity of a “good person,” and while I didn’t have a record of outward bad behavior, I did have an inward pattern of arrogance, manipulation, deception, self-righteousness, and sinful judgment towards others. My parents often caught me lying, but even then, I only felt remorse for being punished, not for the transgression itself. I just became a better liar.

I was raised in church my whole life, but I didn’t understand why I needed to be saved. Because I was blind to the depth of my sin, I didn’t see a need for a Savior. I suspect that this is the common pitfall for most of us, especially in Southern church culture. It's easy to look “good enough” or “not as bad as some” on the outside, and still be spiritually dead on the inside.

A few years ago, God used the re:gen program to open my eyes to the depth of my sin. Part of the program includes something called “inventory,” where I essentially wrote out every sin I could remember committing or thinking in my life.

When I finished my inventory, it was 77 pages, typed.

So much for being a “good person.”

Those 77 pages represented my entire life. And when the Holy Spirit helped me to see myself truly, I was devastated. I’ve hurt people I love. I’ve hurt myself. I’ve hurt the God who created me and loves me. And in a great twist of irony, it’s my self-righteousness that causes the most damage. Believing that “my sin is not so bad” led me to hold myself and everyone else to an impossible standard that slowly poisoned my soul with arrogance, bitterness, and sinful judgment.

Thus began a long (and ongoing) process of confession to God, confession to spiritual leaders, repentance, making amends, and learning to depend on Christ and his grace so that I might produce good fruit. In Mark 2:17, Jesus says, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

I don’t really like going to the doctor, it’s uncomfortable and painful and they tell me I need to change my lifestyle. We don’t like confronting our sin for the same reasons. But in both cases, we underestimate what it feels like to be healed (or in the spiritual sense, raised from death to life) and opt for Band-Aids and ibuprofen instead. Going through re:gen was uncomfortable and painful, and I had to change how I live my life. But that allowed me to experience the freedom, goodness, and joy that God offers. It could be really easy to just skim this newsletter and move on to something that doesn’t require the discomfort and pain of sitting with our sin. But I’ll leave you with his question from Jesus himself in John 5: “Do you want to be healed?”

(If you find yourself struggling more with despair and discouragement over your sin, we encourage you to look for our coming newsletters in July and September.)

Whitney Maness

For the Women at Grace Newsletter Team

As you read these passages, notice the list of sins given in the Romans 1 and Colossians 3 passages. Which sins resonate most with you?

• Acknowledging the weight of sin:
  • Romans 1:18-32
  • Matthew 23:27-28
• Our response to sin:
  • Colossians 3

Through the Spirit, we can put to death the sins within us through confession and repentance to others. If you feel apathetic about your sin, meditate on the Romans 1 passage. If you feel hopeless about your sin, be encouraged by the Colossians 3 passage.

Allie Black

For the Women at Grace Newsletter Team

-Take your own personal inventory— pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal hidden sins in your life. Look for evidence in your thoughts, words, and actions.

-Our sins have a devastating ripple effect. In Romans 1:32 Paul writes, “They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.” In what ways do your hidden sins affect the body of Christ?

-God desires a rich relationship with us, yet in order to draw nearer, we must confess sin and put on the forgiveness Christ offers. Consider seeking a spiritually mature mentor whom you can trust to hear your confession and lovingly hold you accountable. If you are in need of someone to talk to, please reach out to a female staff member at your campus.

Jackie Vest

For the Women at Grace Newsletter Team